


A Shattered Heart

by Siriouslywolfstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Heartbreak, Heartbroken remus, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriouslywolfstar/pseuds/Siriouslywolfstar
Summary: My take on Sirius's "prank" in sixth year when Snape gets into the shack and a very depressed and heartbreaking recount of Remus's following month.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	A Shattered Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooh! This it my first story and obviously I had to choose one of the saddest Wolfstar scenes that exists. Enjoy!

Remus had grown used to waking up the day after a full moon pain-free. Which is why he is so shocked to feel pain slicing through his chest and his face on fire. He probably shouldn’t have been so naive to think that bad moons would never happen, but he allowed himself to become accustomed to painless moons. As he lies there in the cold infirmary on top of a flat mattress, he thinks that the pain is worse than usual. Worse than a normal “bad moon.”

He wiggles his toes first, wanting to account for all of his new injuries. His toes move pain free as he begins to bend and straighten his legs. A sharp pain shoots from his right knee to his ankle. ‘That’s new,’ he thinks to himself. 

He continues to move his body, taking in the stiffness of his upper body and the still indescribable pain in his chest. He attempts to sit up and can’t help the moan that slips through his lips. He rests himself up on his arms for a brief minute before they give out under his weight and he drops back to the bed with a loud groan. 

“Remus?” Madam Pomfrey’s concerned voice rings through the curtains. Seconds later the sheets are drawn and the school’s nurse is standing next to Remus with a hand on his forehead. Wordlessly she fusses over him, handing him potions and murmuring spells under her breath. Silence is rare for her. 

Remus takes in her pinched lips and the tiredness on her face. A sick feeling begins to form in his stomach. Belatedly, he realizes that none of the marauders are sitting in the chair beside him. 

“What happened?” Remus’s voice is rough and strained from a night of howling. Pomfrey stays quiet as she lifts a wand to his face. Following her movement, he puts a hand on his cheek, feeling the tell tale jagged sign of a new scar. 

Fear joins the sick feeling in his stomach. 

“What happened Pomfrey,” Remus asks again. His voice is a plea.

“There was an accident last night,” she begins. Remus’s heart lurches. 

“Did I hurt someone?” Pomfrey shakes her head. 

“Thankfully you did not,” a long pause. “Somehow, Severus Snape found a way past the whomping willow and into the shrieking shack.” A rushing noise begins to fill Remus’s head. 

At that moment the door to the hospital wing is thrown open and James’s voice rings through the room. 

“Moony? Remus?” James comes barreling through the curtains. He is still in the clothes from the day before and deep purple smudges sit beneath his eyes. There is a long scratch reaching from his ear to collar bone. 

“Mr, Potter!” Pomfrey shouts. “Remus is not ready for visitors.” James ignores the nurse and stares at Remus in horror. His eyes are locked on the new scar on Remus’s left cheek. 

“Oh Moony,” he whispers. Remus closes his eyes. “He didn’t mean to Moony. I swear! You know how Sirius gets.” Remus’s eyes snap open and he jerks himself into a sitting position. He lets out a hiss of pain through his teeth but brushes away Madam Pomfrey’s concerned hand. 

“Sirius?” Remus’s voice is deathly calm. He looks at James. James turns to look at Madam Pomfrey. 

“You didn’t tell him?”

“I was attempting to when you stormed in-”

“Tell me what?” Remus demands. Madam Pomfrey glances at James then excuses herself to get more potions. James sits in the chair beside Remus. He hesitates for a moment then grabs Remus’s hand in his own. He clutches it tightly. 

“Last night, after you told us about your encounter with Snape, Sirius went to find him when you left for the hospital.” Remus clutches James’s hand back. “And I don’t know what was said between them but Sirius wanted to prank Snape and somehow ended up telling him how to get into the shack.”

“Prank?” Remus’s voice holds no emotion and his face looks almost bored. 

“But I stopped him before anything could happen!”

“You mean before I killed him?” James swallows. 

“Sirius told me what happened when we were waiting for you to shift and I was able to stop Snape before you could get to him.” 

“DId he see me?” James nods. Remus closes his eyes. 

“And did I give you that scratch?” James nods again but Remus does not see.

“Yeah.” His voice is a pained whisper.

“It won’t go away, you know. It’s a mark from a magical beast.” 

“You know I don’t care Remus.” They sit in silence for a moment. James disrupts it with the name that breaks Remus’s heart.

“Sirius-”

“Please don’t say his name.” Remus’s voice cracks on the last word. His eyes begin to burn and his voice waivers on the next sentence. “So am I expelled?” James viciously shakes his head. 

“No! Moony, Dumbledore knows that it wasn’t your fault.”

“But once Snape tells everyone,” Remus laughs humorlessly, “I’ll be forced to leave.” James shakes his head again. 

“Dumbledore said that Snape promised not to tell anyone. You’re safe Moony, I promise.” Remus shakes his head. 

“And Sirius?” He asks. James looks nervous now. 

“What about him?”

“Is he expelled?” James splutters.

“Of course not! Why would you ask that?” Remus stares at him. He pulls his hand out of James’s grasp. 

“I want you to leave James.” James’s face crumbles. 

“Moony c’mon-”

“Please leave James!” Remus finally loses his resolve and tears spill down his face. Remus rubs his hand across his face, cursing when his hand roughly brushes against his scar. It begins to throb.

“Leave,” he says again. Quieter this time. “Please.” James stands up slowly, still not leaving. At that moment Madam Pomfrey comes back with a tray of potions. She sets it down and puts a hand on James’s shoulder. 

“I think you should go Mr. Potter. Remus needs his rest.” Dejectedly, he looks at Remus one more time then slips through the curtains. 

Remus says nothing as Madam Pomfrey hands him potions and watches his face. When he finishes his last one, a sleeping drought, Madam Pomfrey brushes a kiss on his head. 

“You’ve come so far Remus,” she says. “Don’t let this ruin you.” She leaves him to fall into a fitful sleep. 

~

Remus is let out of the hospital three days later. He had three broken ribs and a broken collar bone that prevented him from moving from his bed. The pain in his knee was gone as well, but the constant ache in his chest had not left. 

As much as Remus begged, Madam Pomfrey would not let him stay with her any longer. He couldn’t hide from his problems forever, she had said. Remus very badly wanted to prove her wrong. 

Instead of going to his dorm, he went straight to his first class, wanting to avoid any interaction for as long as possible. With still 30 minutes until class, Remus sat himself next to the Charms door and began the homework he had missed. 

Remus was shaken out of his work by loud voices. Looking up he watched as James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily approached the classroom. Everyone’s face changed when they saw him.

James and Peter approached him first while Lily and Sirius stood back. Remus made sure not to look at him. It hurt too much. 

“Alright Moony?” Peter asks. James offers a hand to help him up. He looks up at the hopeful boys then takes James’s hand.

“Hi boys,” he says quietly. James puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles. 

“Remus.” Sirius’s voice cuts through the hallway. James tightens his hand on his shoulder. Remus does not look at Sirius, afraid that the look on his face would make Remus forgive him instantly. He can’t forgive him. He trusted him. 

At that moment Professor Flitwick opens the door and Remus darts in. He hears Sirius shout his name again and then James’s whispered voice. 

“Give him space Pads.” Remus blocks the rest of the conversation out. 

~ 

The month preceding that awful moon was the hardest month of Remus’s life. Though Madam Pomfrey healed his injuries, his body still carried dull aches as he fully healed. His ribs were still tender to the touch and his knee had begun to click when he used the stairs. 

His newest scar on his face was a daily reminder of what he truly was and how much he hated himself. 

The first time he saw Snape, he almost threw up on the spot. The pure fear in the boy’s eyes stopped Remus dead in his tracks in the dining room. Snape quickly hid it with hatred, but Remus did not miss it. He was a monster to Snape. 

After that first interaction he kept the map with him at all times in attempts to avoid the boy. He spent most of his time hidden behind his curtains. Everyday he found it harder and harder to get out of bed and go to classes. All day he either had Sirius’s grief stained face pleading silently to him or James and Peter’s pitying glances staring at him. It was becoming too much. 

Lily became glued to his side throughout that month, encouraging him to eat and get work done. Without her he would have withered into a shadow. 

He was forgetting to shower and hand in assignments, which is something he thought would never happen. He used to find comfort in doing his work, but now he could barely keep his eyes open long enough to finish even one assignment. He was constantly exhausted. 

He assumed Lily knew what happened. Either James told him or she put it together herself because whenever they would see Sirius around the castle she’d hold his hand tightly and rub her thumb over the back of his hand.

He’d taken to digging his nails into the palm of his hand or scratching his skin until it bled whenever he saw Sirius. Lily took notice very quickly. 

As the full moon began to approach, Remus found himself vibrating with nerves and anxiety. His hands constantly shook to the point that he spilled the pitcher of Pumpkin Juice all over the table at breakfast a week before the full. Everyone silently watched as he frantically cleaned it up with his napkin then tucked his hands under his thighs. He wasn’t hungry anymore. 

The marauders watched him stare at his plate silently. 

“Moony,” James said in a low voice. “Remus,” he repeated when he got no response. Remus slowly raises his head to his. “You need to eat mate.” Not waiting for a response, he picks up a piece of toast, butters it, and places it on his plate. 

Remus glances between the three boys and gets stuck on Sirius’s face. He is gnawing on his lip and staring helplessly at Remus. Not being able to handle it, Remus picks up the toast and stands from his seat. 

“Cheers mate, I’ll see you guys in potions, I have a free this morning.” And with that he is walking swiftly towards the entrance of the Great Hall. Behind him he hears a bench squeak across the floor and footsteps hurrying towards him. He shoves the toast into a pocket in his robes and quickens his pace out of the hall. 

“Remus!” Sirius shouts behind him. Remus digs his nails into his palm and darts behind an alcove that is hidden behind a tapestry. He knows Sirius saw him when he sees black leather feet stop before the tapestry. 

“Remus,” he says softly. Remus sucks in a breath. Sirius’s hand grasps the cloth and slips through it. He stops in front of the still trembling boy. “Oh Remus,” he says. 

“Go away Black.” There is no bite in his words. He is staring helplessly at his hands as his nails rip through the skin on his arm. Sirius takes them between his and holds them tightly as Remus tries to pull them away. 

“Moony, please talk to me.” Remus shakes his head. He knows if he opens his mouth he’ll break into the helpless tears he’s been holding back all month. He will not give Sirius the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt him. 

“If you’re going to be stubborn,” Remus rolls his eyes, “then just fucking listen. Will ya?” Sirius’s voice has taken on a hard edge. Remus shrugs. 

“I’m not going to apologize anymore because you already know how sorry I am,” he says. 

“Instead I’m going to tell you that I will never understand how you feel or what you’re going through.” He stares intently at Remus. “And that it was never my intention to hurt you! God Moony, that was the last thing I’d ever want to do. You know how much you mean to me.” Remus shrugs. Sirius takes a deep breath. 

“I know this isn’t an excuse, but Regulus won’t talk to me. And the only reason I can think of is because I didn’t protect him enough. And when Snape was saying all of those awful things about you, and when you told us about the curse he had hit you with, all I could think about was my mother hitting Regulus with that curse that night I escaped.”

And how he refuses to talk to me and I never, ever want that to happen to us. And I just thought that if I told Snape off he would stop hurting you and,” Sirius takes a deep breath. “And I’m just so fucking sorry Moony.” He drops his hands to his sides, leaving Remus’s hands feeling cold and clammy with the lack of contact. 

“Seeing you becoming a ghost of yourself this month has torn me apart Moony. And I know it’s not about me, but I care about you so much, and seeing Evan’s holding your hand instead of me kills me because she’s comforting you because of all of the pain that I have caused.” Remus’s heart breaks when he sees tears drip down Sirius’s face. Hesitantly, he reaches over and wipes them from his face. His hand lingers on his cheek before he brings it back to his side. 

“You hurt me so much Sirius,” he whispers. Sirius steps closer to him. He places a hand on Remus’s shoulder and in a second Remus falls into Sirius’s chest. 

Sirius grips Remus tight in his arms and digs his face into Remus’s long, messy curls. He breaths in Remus’s scent of parchment paper and soft vanilla.

Remus grips the back of Sirius’s robes tightly. With his height advantage over Sirius, he tucks the shorter boy’s head into his neck and rests his chin on top of it. Hesitantly, Sirius places a soft kiss on Remus’s neck. Remus shudders under the touch and holds him tighter. 

“Please don’t hurt me again.” The words come out as a soft plea. Sirius kisses Remus’s neck again and burrows further into the soft skin there

“Never Moony, I promise,” and he really meant that.


End file.
